Energy Drunk

Monster Energy Everyday Rose Rinse. We all have fantasies! Some have visions of far-off utopian worlds, others of perverse sexual elation, me? I fantasise about a world where energy drinks are all delicious and sugar-free.

And you know what, maybe we're edging towards it. Monster have a pretty solid track record of "hey, that's not too bad!" drinks and, well, here's another. Calling it 'Ultra Fantasy Ruby Red' however is a bit of a fuckin' stretch though, for a few reasons. Reasons absolutely not worth going into.. so let me painstakingly go into them:

• 1. Ultra Is it ultra in any sense? Not really. Ultra means extreme but most of their drinks now include their 'ultra' blend so it's rather typical. In fact in this instance it's referred to as 'legendary ultra blend' so I'd like to know at one point and in whose eyes it became legend. I'd suggest 'Meta' as a fair alternative, being self-referential in a sense but that's a few too many words.
• 2. Fantasy What is fantasy about a drink? Note that it isn't saying fantastical, or fantastic(, or fanta for that matter) but fantasy. This drink is a fantasy. It's a beverage not grounded in reality but a filigree, gossamer dream. Untastable, unquenching, un.. un.. unaccurate. Again, a variation of description of being beyond the ordinary when it very much is within the ordinary. I'd suggest 'Everyday' as a realistic alternative.
• 3. Ruby Red A famously rich colour concept, a deep plum wine red that this is not. It's a thin watery pink that is best viewed from the outside of the opaque can. I'd suggest 'Rose Rinse' for accuracy.

To sum up, it should be called Monster Energy Everyday Rose Rinse and I think I'll continue renaming drinks for veracity going forwards.