Energy Drunk

Get out! Pack up your things and leave! You're not welcome here!

Heck alive. Right. My mouth feels physically offended by this abomination. I've had some terrible drinks in my time but whoever created this was as misguided as David Cameron fucking a dead pig's head (yes, that really happened #neverforget).

It's elderflower and mint flavour if you can believe it, and holy hellcakes it does NOT work as an energy drink.

Imagine a mug of coca cola, squirting toothpaste in it, then swirling it round with a stick of potpourri and gulping it.

Well it's worse.

Imagine a homeless man drinking a litre of soda stream backwash then pissing it out, having eaten ten boxes of tainted After Eights that somehow flavour it.

Well it's worse.

Cats. Vomiting mouldy softmints into stagnant cider filled rotten yoghurt pots. Farted on by a passing goat, sickly from infected elderflower plants. The animals themselves having been pissed on by the previous homeless man.

I'm sorry about that reader; I did my best to describe it as pleasantly as possible and that's what came out.

PS: DIFFLAM ORAL RINSE! That's what it tastes like! Benzydamine hydrochloride. A strong anti-inflammatory medicated mouthwash that makes your mouth go numb. If there are no more reviews after this, I've been killed by this drink.